Push/Pull was inspired by my personal experience of being an entitled and ambitious femcel with 3 months left before Leonardo DiCaprio could no longer love me. I have always struggled to be as thin and gorgeous as I expected and wanted myself to be. I felt entitled to have what other women had- beauty, power, and admiration. It seemed like attractive women were smarter, funnier, and more normal than the rest of us. I always felt inferior growing up. Growing up in a Los Angeles film-industry family placed me in an environment where incredible beauty, talent, and success were the norm. Being an average-looking, mixed-race, eccentric, chubby girl in a sea of thin, pretty blonde women never helped. I struggled and one day found myself in a bad place physically and emotionally.

I eventually dug my way out of a hole I wasn’t sure I remembered digging myself into. I became healthier, more beautiful, and more accomplished than I ever had been. I received more validation, encouragement, and love than I had ever experienced. Somehow, it still wasn’t enough. I was still losing in The Great SNATCHED/BEAUTIFUL/STRIKING/COOL/FUNNY/CHARMING/LIKEABLE/INDEPENDENT/ACCOMPLISHED/DESIRABLE competition. I wished I could go out and take something like a man. I discovered the online incel black pill community that, while being incredibly misguided and problematic, was interesting to me while conducting research for this collection. It reminded me of the culture during the Victorian era. Victorians were extreme looksmaxxers and operated within a highly regimented society where status was almost impossible to change and difficult to keep. Coming-of-age became a sub-theme. The most powerful American pedestalized archetypes are from high school. The Prom Queen, The Football Star, The Valedictorian, and The Cheerleader.

For my collection, I incorporated elements of body distortion and molding to represent how humans mold themselves to move through society more successfully. Sports uniforms, workout gear, and athleisure helped flesh out silhouettes. I used pleating and volume to reference muscles and tendons. The name Push/Pull relates to the common name for workout split days as well as to describe the feeling of desire and obstacles. Beauty can come from a sad and dirty place, and I wanted this collection to reflect that. Born from my experience as a megalomaniac narcissistic crashout, this collection fused Victorian-era British fashion with modern athleticwear into an evening A/W collection.

INITIAL SKETCHES

3D EXPLORATIONS

PINTUCKING DETAIL

THE VARSITY DRESS TOILE FITTING